DOTHAN, AL — The truth. Yes, often sketchy, bizarre, and ignored. But today, I have something so juicy and secretive, I can just bet you’re watering at the mouth right now. It has to do with Obama, McCain, and the ‘08 elections. It will probably change your vote and leave you disgusted with how much political figures lie about their personal past just to get elected.

 

Obama — a Muslim that once supported communism and practiced death rituals? Or a quiet, peaceful, Illinois native who feels compelled to power?

McCain — a brainwashed soldier that murdered a former small-town Kansas mayor and life liar? Or a hardworking, down-to-earth grandfather who thinks he can win with temper?

 

You see — I have traveled all the way from Kenya, to Moscow, and back to unearth the mysterious depths of this story. It was hard work, but I think it will pay off; and now, having tossed the coin, I have decided to begin with Barack Obama, democratic hopeful. The faint of heart and mind are suggested to leave the room now.

Where shall I start? How about the fact that Obama was formerly known as Nesmond Karraks, a Texas native who diligently practiced the Islam faith? Well, according to life-time friend and childhood acquaintance Kimberly Fulton, he was both. “He was just different, and we knew he was different, but then he went missing. And, when I saw the Obama campaign, I was beside myself crying, sayin’ ‘That’s Nesmond!’, and crying, ’cause we all thought he was dead.” Dead? Or just put under the Witness Protection Program? Of course I immediately contacted the Obama residence. But all I got was a “No Comment” and a referral to the press site.

“He was very social, but pretty sly, and a bluffer,” said Martha Fulton of the curious boy. “Nesmond lied, mostly, because of his horrible past. He was very anti-christ.” she recalled. “He once spoke of his plans to leave this country, join up forces in Afghanistan for power. He was very Muslim at that time, and went to visit relatives in Kenya and Iran once a year.” Kenneth Wri ght, a clergyman and town spokesman, said of him, “Karraks was a dangerous boy; I remember once he attempted ******* by hanging. Of course we were glad he recovered, but he seemed to become much more dangerous afterwards…” Ian Wright, a school friend, also had this to say: “I remember thinking, we need to avoid this man, he is just much more aggressive than I am. Once he threatened a neighbor-girl named Addie because she took her bible to school. My parents said he was dangerous.”

A school teacher, Elijah Thornton, said he remembered how Nesmond was “constantly preaching out with communist teachings,” something we never would have tolerated today. So why are we tolerating it now? Because; change the name, and you get a fresh face — this one is the face of Obama. Why did he decide to run as a democrat? Because heavily Liberal is as close as you can get to Communist/Terrorist and have chance of winning.

 

MORE NEXT TIME on JOHN MCCAIN. Be sure to stay tuned!